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Monday, August 22, 2011

Only one word can describe me now !!

STUPID

all this shows that how bad and useless i am...
i cant even know you well... what a bad guy ...
i don even think i am good enough to suit you...
do i deserve it ?
how you feel when i say it to you? good?
i don think so... i also don feel good.
how can i be concentrated when i am like that ?

TML english oral exam ...
and i am now affected ... good luck to myself !! ):

Seriously... i am the worse guy ever in the world ...
i hurt you, i make you sad and disappointed...
maybe you are right, whatever i do, i always think i am right.
maybe i am not the same any more because of this shit environment.
family talking abt me, saying bad abt me ...
i felt terrible also ... but who know ?
i am just trying to care for you, maybe the way i used is wrong
glad. my stupid face deserve it.
Why am i like this ?
WHY?WHY?
i am at fault ... learn it!!!
don ever force ...
i alrdy deserve the consequences...
LEARN IT AND NV LET IT HAPPEN.

I does not know where to put my angle at ... so decided to post on my blog.
ever since my bro show my mum the number of msg i used every month, i don feel a sense of home any more ): because every time i use phone, they will say i very busy, who text you?
this is really irritating ... why i cant text ? since i cant text then don give me a phone then.
Does they know what i want? or maybe is the generation gap is too big ?
i feel home is just like a place for me to sleep, eat, bath, shit and do hwks.
i don't feel really happy at all.
i know they are trying to make me more focus in my work ...but they use this type of method to care for me which i don't really like.
What can i do?
Every time they talk about this, i just kept quiet. I never even talk back. i just keep every single thing to myself.
i want to get a prepaid card soon so that i won't exceed the no. of msg using the line phone.
haizz... hope every thing will be fine for me ...
Jiayou.

recently my phone contract is coming to the end ...
and i am stress and tired about it.
Every time when i mention about the recontracting thingy
my mum will talk about me sending so many msg for what
send to who ... spend so much time on handphone and not studies ...
all this credit must give to my brother ...
tell my mum and show my mum how many msg i sent this months..
who really understand what i want and willing to give it to me ?
for now i really don mind not having the iphone plan any more ...
the problem for me now is i scared i will over shot the limited msg-500
what if i over use it? i am alrdy trying to cut down T.T
this problem cause me not wanting to stay at home !! seriously
i don even dare to speak out in front of my mother what i want...
because once i said she will begin talking about money ... for sure
so i just kept to myself better ...
all my mother care is how much to pay for the phone bill!!!
wait until my bro birthday and sign for one more line in M1 can get 25% discount for all the line, some more with iphone plan...but the problem is, limited msg-500.
who can tell me what to do ???
ask me to call the singtel line to ask for voucher i also don't dare...
this is how timid i am...so terrible. this is me.
and my bro are unwilling to help... only tell me to learn myself
i don even feel close to my family members...
they are so near to me, yet so far.
i know is difficult to earn money for the family... so what choice do i have?
if i wait for the choice that going to give me .... i scared ahli will angry.. how?
can i really make it within 500? i think no.
seeing some of my friends having the chance to get what they want
and close to their family members... i really envy about them and jealous abt it.
Although we always said that be thankful to what you have, who really appriciate with what they have? if given the opportunity, would you grab it or leave it? What is the different between your family and mine family. The different is like a heaven and a hell.

• EDUCATED VS NOT EDUCATED
• MONEY VS NO MONEY

i am so stress now... who can explain that to my family ? i doubt no one will.